No

No

Things didn’t really go they way they were supposed to even though in the beginning, for 20 weeks in a row everything looked good. We here at Sivukonttori were able to carry out our initial plan according to which each and every one of us writes a blog post once a week. But something happened, and now it’s been almost two months since any of us posted anything. Sorry for disappearing like that. It’s not something that we do.

Writing and upkeeping a common blog might have been a bigger task than we thought it would be. From the start our goals were ambitious and we started building the blog like Ville Tolvanen builds a brand: thinking it was a part of our everyday job. And even though we all got very engaged, at the same time we though: “One blog post a week – no biggie.”

Soon it took us one full day to write and translate a blog post. As the workload seemed to grow, we got numb and tired. It was crushing us. Partly our ambition is to blame. We had a tight schedule and high expectations, to ourselves and each other. In the beginning it felt good the way determination usually does, but after a couple of months it caused us more stress and anxiety than pleasure. Especially those of us who were not used to writing went into a lockdown, whereas those of us who knew how to produce good text got frustrated and compensated it with exaggerated dedication.

But despite this we were able to spark good conversation. Our blog got the response we were hoping for. Especially Tommi’s blogpost were super popular in Digitalist Network’s Facebook group and in Talent Pool Finland’s LinkedIn group. Meanwhile Heikki’s Lightroom Preset Packs were downloaded by amateurs like it was their last day on earth. In the midst of all this, I completed my Master’s thesis in two months, got hired as a full time translator and as an assistant to a Finnish media organisation. All of this of course in addition to my jobs at Sivukonttori and Varusmiesliitto.

 

Even though I’m quite a wizard in creating time, a couple of weeks ago I decided that now it is time – for the first time in a long while – to say “no”. Normal people have 24 hours a day and I have 30 hours, but at some point all of those extra hours are also used. That time was now.

During the last couple of months I’ve achieved and delivered a lot: I’ve taken care of deadlines, learned how to use a new accounting program, taken care of an inheritance matter, done interviews, transcribed, fixed and wiggled, stood in line in bank offices and customer services, fucked up, woken up in the middle of the night to worry, fallen asleep just to wake up again in an hour, cleaned the apartment too seldom, forgot to color my hair and shaved my legs only when I really really had to. Yeah I know, I’ve been a little “out there”. Nevertheless, I got everything done. Everything except one thing.

Writing. I haven’t had the time to write – not here, not to my fiancé and neither to myself. And even though writing has always been that one thing in my life that I’ve sought comfort and pleasure in, I haven’t been able to do lately. Now, because of it, the world looks very different. It is full of details that I’ve memorized but haven’t had the time to paint into a picture by using words. It is full of events of which I remember how they made me feel but nothing more. It is full thoughts that I remember thinking but that I never wrote down.

Now, alongside with the four jobs I’ve got, it’s time to take some time for myself, for this blog and writing in general. I’m not trying to catch up with the time that has already passed but instead I want to grab the time that is still ahead of me. I’ll continue writing about same kind of subjects as I did before but in a more relaxed and less-serious manner. I’m curious to see what the next 20 weeks will bring in comparison to the first 20 weeks that have already passed.

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